FISH FISH FISH FISH AND MORE FISH!!!!

Ok, so for those of you who haven't gotten it by the title, I'm not really talking about fish. I hate my job. I really, really, really, really, REALLY hate my job!!! It's at the point where I am dreading going in every morning. Sunday I start to get that pit in my stomach. That impending sense of doom feeling. It is true that my position is ending soon and that I will be free. Actually, I have only about 2 weeks left in the position and you can bet I am thanking my lucky stars! The problem is that the SECOND I knew that there was even the POSSIBILITY of this other woman taking over my position, I COMPLETELY and UTTERLY disengaged. My mind was gone, out the door and on vaca!!! I kept thinking "oh god, what if she doesn't take it and I have to come back for a couple more months??" I think I might actually have shot myself. Well, not actually... but I seriously think I could have had some sort of breakdown.

So I found out last week that some of my colleagues have been telling the new woman that they have "reservations" about me. I can handle that. Whatever. Coz truth be known... I HATE MY JOB. So yes, naturally that will reflect in the way I do my job. If I hate something, I cannot do it well. Call it a weakness, call it saving sanity.. whatever.. I cannot do it well if the interest is not there. So hearing that didn't bother me that much, although of course it did a little. Yada yada yada, move to today. I get called in to my boss's office with my manager and apparently I have been spending way too much time on the internet at work. Wow. What can you say to that? This means that they've actually flagged me, because they don't do random checks. It is true that I surf the web at work. It is true I check my email at work. And it's true that 2 of my 5 days of work each week are more down times. However, this is a bit misrepresented. You see, I have the net open on to check my personal email all the time. That doesn't mean I'm checking it all the time, but it's there in the background. I freely admit that. Then a whole discussion starts of how I could better use my time, of which I offer up suggestions. They admit this is useless as I'm leaving the position in 2 weeks. Holy freaking god, people! Holy freaking god!! I have had it. I have totally had it. I need to get out of there so freaking fast it ain't funny. I think this job is shortening my life. If I stay in it long enough chances are I'll probably get hit by a bus or something, as luck would have it. Anyone know a good primal scream therapist?????????

Disability Dos and Don'ts

Don't:

1. Ask us what's wrong with us.
2. Ask us what happened to us.
3. Ask us how we do what we do.
4. Tell us we're awesome for doing the ordinary.
5. Think we're awesome for doing the ordinary.
6. Assume anything.
7. EVER try to freakin' push us before asking if we need help.
8. EVER try to freakin' push us after asking if we need help and we say no.
9. Swear at us when we get pissed off when you don't respect our answer, decision, space (pushing us without asking is as invasive as me going up to you and taking your briefcase out of your hand without asking when you don't know me from Bob).
9. Rush ahead to open doors for us.
10. Apologize for not having helped us in time when it seems we're doing just fine without you.
11. Say stupid things like "I should be doing that for you" when we reach the door first and hold it open for you.
12. EVER pat us on the freakin' head!
13. Ask us what disability we have before getting to know us.
14. Ask us anything disability related before getting to know us "just because you're curious". Who the hell are you, and how important do you think your curiousity is, freak?
15. Ask us if we play basketball.
16. Try to give us money (unless it's a cheque with 6 digits).
17. Tell us how freakin' brave we are unless we just fought a bear.
18. Address our companions when asking questions meant for us.
19. Ask "are you sure?" when we tell you we don't need help.
20. Ask "do you want to go out" if we happen to be sitting by a door.
21. Assume we like to listen to your problems coz we'll "understand" since obviously our lives have been hard like yours, right?
22. Assume that a physical, visual, auditory disability, speech impediment, or other means we couldn't possibly hold a Masters degree, good paying job, own a condo, drive a car, marry, have children, make decisions for ourselves.
23. Shout at us.

Do:

1. Use your freakin' common sense.
2. Talk to us.
3. Get to know us.
4. Listen.
5. Establish some sort of relationship before you ask us anything personal.
6. Allow us to be as independent as we can be.
7. Wait for us to ask for help.
9. Let us open the door for you if we reach it first.
10. Give us a chance before you come barging in to "rescue us".
11. Think twice before you open your mouth.
12. Ask us out for coffee.
13. See us as human beings.
14. See us as women or men.
15. Consider us as wives, husbands, partners, friends, lovers, intellectual equals
16. Relax.
17. Laugh.
18. Be open.
19. Remember that we have to deal with people like you every hour of every day.

Carry on.

Light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully!

I went home from work sick last Thursday with a stomach ache. It was better by Friday but I decided to stay home anyway. It was lovely to have a PJ day. On the Friday morning, my boss called me at home. She starts with "I'm sorry to call you at home when you're sick, but I've just spoken to the union...". I figured with the way things have gone, this couldn't be good. Turns out it was! Sort of. I am replacing someone on maternity leave for a year. I also intensely dislike this placement. Turns out someone is returning from sick leave that was due to stress from their job and they cannot return to their position. As they are permanent, they need to be accomodated. Turns out they are looking at my position. They are able to bump anyone with less seniority than them. Initially they would just do the mat leave if they decide they like the job, possibly keeping it in the end. So she is to be with me part-time for the next month, gradually increasing her hours per day. At the end of the month she gets to decide whether she stays or leaves. On one hand I could choose to be worried about being left with no work, as I would just go back to covering here and there. On the other hand... freakin' yay!!! I don't care about any other choice, I just want out out out of this position! The way I see it, it's a win win situation. I have to make the position look great so she'll take it and bump me out! Woo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!