Tuesday, January 24, 2006

You think you know someone...

I've all but given up trying to figure people out. I usually know right away if I don't like someone and nothing they do or say can make me sway my mind. There are others who I learn to dislike after I get to know. When I moved here, I met this woman who became my friend pretty quickly. In fact, it's the woman I have previously mentioned in my blog.. the friend I never see. We met outside of work twice within the first 6 months of knowing each other. The last time we met was last February. This woman would call me all the time and have long hours of chats. We had lots of things to talk about, but we'd never get together. I told her this bugged me, and that I was always the one initiating plans, and she was always the one telling me she couldn't coz she already had plans. She told me that she felt talking on the phone was a good replacement when there was no time to see each other. I'd agree, except when it becomes a substitute to seeing the other person. She'd always tell me if I needed anything to not hesitate to call her. She would also say sometimes we should get together but never fix a time. I told her finally that I would wait for her to initiate something coz all my efforts led to a dead end, and I'm too insecure to keep trying when I keep getting knocked down. She said she'd try. That was about 7 months ago.

So for the last little while I've been thinking about her and feeling uncomfortable. I did some shift work where she works over the holidays and I emailed her the first day. She called me back and said we should meet for lunch. I called her the Wednesday at noon and left a message for her saying I could come to her work area or we could go to the caf. No answer. So, I gave up. Then, 2 weeks later, on my last week of work, I ran into her at work and she said we should do lunch the next day and to give her a call. I was torn about whether I would or not. Then, the next day, as it turned out, I gave my hand a nasty bash turning a corner too closely and quickly. There was swelling and everything. I spent lunch in my office with some ice in a facecloth. I emailed her to let her know I couldn't make it.

So, I fretted about what to do for a couple weeks more and finally last Thursday I decided to email her. I sent her an e-card actually. I told her I had been annoyed with her lately, and that it had been almost a year since we'd seen each other outside of work. I told her that I needed to see my friends more often, that I didn't feel telephone calls were as good if they became a replacement for ever seeing that person. I told her I thought about her a lot and said basically if friends are too busy to see each other more than once a year in the same city, what was the point. I said I hoped we could work something out and didn't want to lose her as a friend, but if things kept on as they did, we'd drift.

She didn't reply.

I guess she wasn't as good a friend as I thought. Friends don't usually run away when you say you'd like to see them more than once a year. I didn't think it was a big demand. .

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