Thursday, December 15, 2005

Is this a date or do you just like caffeine?

So, I think I just asked someone out this week. I'll set the scene. When I first moved here I joined a bunch of stuff in order to keep busy and meet people. It's always in the back of my mind, of course, that it would be nice to meet a guy, but I'm usually to shy/insecure to even think of asking a guy out. Anyway, one of the groups I joined had this guy. He caught my attention. Now, it wasn't in the "OH....MY..... GOD!" kinda way. Not that way at all. In fact, he caught my eye moreso because he was kinda, well, odd. He is possibly more shy and introverted and awkward than I am. And, well, he's not exactly eye candy. Ok, now that many of you are probably thinking I'm either totally shallow, or totally off my rocker for saying all these things about a guy I just potentially asked out, keep reading. I have dated one person a very long time ago for a very short period of time. My track record is not great. I have mostly been interested in people who have not been interested in me. The few people who have been interested in me have been people I have not been interested in. People say all this "beyond your league" crap is crap, but I don't believe that. There are people who just are not going to date you no matter what. As you get older, most of the time you realize that those people aren't worth your time of day, but there is still often that person who you desire and they are just forever out of reach.

After my short relationship ended (it wasn't even really long enough to call him a boyfriend. It was 6 weeks), I searched out an old flame. This guy was the one. The ONE. The one to which all guys since are compared to. The one who no one could ever live up to. The one who I have felt more strongly about than anyone. Long story short, we became friends again, I told him how I felt... via email. After 3 agonizing days, he replied saying he was sorry he did not feel the same and hoped we could remain friends. Unfortunately, that didn't work out. He was also kinda shy, and never initiated anything. Not just romantically, but anything. He was like that with everyone, he said, not just me. I couldn't handle that as I need my relationships to be somewhat equal. The other person has to make at least some sort of effort. I told him so, and tried to work it out via email. After about 3 back and forth emails from each side, he didn't reply. Broke my freakin' heart. I know it was a no win situation, and I was asking him to be someone he couldn't be, but still, it was harsh. I still think about him to this day, often, and that was 8 years ago. I haven't had a serious crush on anyone since. Oh sure, I've had minor crushes, but nothing that big. That was bigger than a crush, I mean of course it was, I told you he was the one.

Last year I met a guy via an online dating service. We both agreed pretty early on that we were destined to only be friends. Even though that's all I wanted from him, he voiced it first and I felt disappointed. Funny, eh? Well, even the frienship fizzled out as our schedules just didn't coincide. I was working 8-4 and taking 2 evening activities a week. I had no more room for stuff during the week, and he never seemed to be available on the weekend. We just stopped calling each other at the same time. I'm still on that online dating site, but nothing much has come out of it at all.

I'm also one who has never had a lot of male friends. I've had some, but they usually dont' last too long. So, all this to say I'm a little awkward around guys. Ok, now flip back to the present. Despite the fact that this guy isn't a physical god, or a prince charming personality, there is something about him I like. He is a nice, decent, slightly odd, shy, interesting, quirky guy. I hadn't seen him in a few weeks, and someone mentioned he had quit the group. I thought it was too bad, but didn't think much of it really. So last week, I'm out at a café, waiting for another friend and the guy passes by outside. He sees me in the window, and comes in to say hello. I invite him to sit down and we chat for a few minutes until my friend shows up, at which point he excuses himself and leaves. I thought about it for a few days and decided I'd like to get to know him better. So, I emailed him to say it was nice to run into him and asked him if he minded me emailing him since he wasn't part of the group anymore. I also asked if he'd like to go for a coffee after the holidays so we could have a chance to chat, as we didn't get to talk long last week. He emailed me back and said it was nice to run into me too and that I could email him anytime and that he'd like to get together for coffee in the new year to chat a bit more.

So, we'll be meeting up after the holidays. I'm not sure where it's going, or even where I want it to go. I'm not sure if I made a date, or just a friendly meeting. The term "go for coffee" can be so ambiguous!! I guess this is to be continued...

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